I am not an elephant! I am not an animal! I am a human being!

I was all excited, I had been cleared by Mean Melanie and Awful Andrea. My coworkers could finally relax, I was about to get a surgical date. Except I wasn’t. Except my sleep study that was completed a year ago had shown some mild apnea – basically my oxygen saturation dropped down to the mid 80s for a total of 30 minutes out of 8 hours. This prompted a pulmonary appointment, and that resulted in……

“You are going to need c-pap because people with sleep apnea tend to die after surgery”

Okay that is a slight exaggeration – there is an increased risk of death, near neath or critical respiratory events in obese patients with apnea, but it is a pretty small increase. This of course meant I now had to have a c-pap machine. Tick tock, tick tock…surgery moves ever further away. it’s been over a year since I started this process, and I ready to just get it done…but here is another delay (also don’t even get me started on an extra group meeting – this time a pre-op support group, in case you missed my post about Fat Class – I hate group therapy of any kind!).

Tick tock. Tick tock. It takes 2 weeks to get the machine, and with the machine comes a slew of ethical problems. The machine has a modem, the provider of said modem is AT&T, my data is transmitted to the device company who can then share it with the home care company, the insurance company, my doctors. This is actually more of an insurance thing – basically if you don’t use it, you lose it or get a huge bill for it. I am not thrilled about my sleep data being out there in the interwebs, it feels all too big brother, but no c-pap, no surgery so here we are,

Night one wasn’t awful, I managed 4.5 hours with the blasted thing on, night 2 was awful. Seriously that pressure goes up, you breath through your mouth and you feel like you are suffocating. I lasted 2.5 hours. Tonight I will try the addition of a chin strap to keep my mouth shut (husband is doing a happy dance…).

And every time I put it on I instantly quote John Merrick…….

CPAP